


Leave you before you leave me.

by lizibabes



Series: MCR Bingo [11]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:50:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt Paring Frank/Gerard for MCR bingo and abandonment/abandonment issues for Dark bingo. Frank is so used to people leaving, is so convinced that Gerard will leave him that he keeps pushing him away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave you before you leave me.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happenedAU in that the boys are not married and Bob hasn't left the band. Changed some cannon facts about the boys to fit in with the story.

Frank POV  
　  
A therapist would probably say he had abandonment issues, that they stem from his father leaving when he was just a kid and never coming back, but Frank thinks that's bullshit. Yeah, his dad left, yeah it sucked, but it didn't give him issues. He's dated a lot of people, men, women and they all seem to think he has an issue as well. A few have even suggested he see a damn councillor when they were together or breaking up. It's a joke though, people telling him he's wrong to think people always leave, even as they’re leaving him. Like he's meant to believe people will stay forever after life has shown him that is bullshit. He's been through relationship break ups, his bands breaking up, people just leaving or dying. But it's taught him to never let anyone get too close.   
　  
Which is why after the first time he ends up in bed with Gerard, he avoids him for a week. Gerard is this force of nature, there's just something about him that draws people in and Frank isn't immune, never has been. The first time is before he's in the band, so it's easier to hide from him after he lets Gerard fuck him behind some club after a show. Gerard doesn't make a big deal out of what happened when Frank starts showing up again. They don't talk about it, even when Frank joins the band and Frank promises himself that he'll keep Gerard at arm’s length, he'll only get his heart broken otherwise. There is no way he can be with Gerard without getting his heart broken. He'll lose Gerard, he loses everyone, he'd rather be alone than have Gerard for a little while and then lose him.  
　  
He doesn't slip up again until long after he's joined the band, they've been touring for a while, they’re successful and Gerard is clean, so he can't blame it on booze or anything else other than lust when they end up blowing each other in the lounge on the bus one night when everyone else is hanging out on the bus. He doesn't avoid Gerard that time, can't really, but he hardly touches him for weeks, doesn't get all up in his space on stage. They become closer and closer friends over the years and even that makes Frank a little twitchy, friends leave as well, he cares about the band, the guys in the band and it scares him shitless. Gerard means so much to him, he can't let him mean anymore, it'll hurt too much when he leaves.   
　  
Only it keeps happening and it's happening more and more often. Before it had been every few years, and now he can't seem to go through a whole month without something happening with Gerard and he is so scared, scared that maybe he already loves Gerard and he's so sure it isn't real for Gerard, that Frank is just an easy fuck while they’re on tour. Gerard will find someone one day, settle down and have a happy life, he'll be happy. Frank is terrified after every time they do something together, he's almost always on edge these days. Mikey keeps looking at him strangely as well and Frank knows he knows. Mikey doesn't say anything for a long time though, not until he catches Frank sneaking out of his brother’s bunk at three in the morning.  
　  
"What the fuck are you doing, Frank?" Mikey hisses and Frank has a feeling ‘sneaking out after your big brother fucked me’ is probably the wrong answer.  
　  
"I, ah, it's just casual." He shrugs.  
　  
"Bullshit, you go weird every time you two hook up. You hardly talk to Gerard for days and he gets all mopey because his best friend’s being a dick." Mikey frowns.   
　  
"I don't have to talk to you about this." Frank mutters.  
　  
"Yes you do, you’re hurting my brother." Mikey actually looks pissed and Mikey doesn't get mad.  
　  
"What, no I'm not. Gerard's fine with the way things are." Frank shrugs.  
　  
"When did he say that?" Mikey asks.  
　  
Never, because they've never talked about it before, but he can't say that to Mikey either.  
　  
"I'd think you were just using him for sex, but you always look miserable when you stop hanging out with him, so I don't get it." Mikey scowls.  
　  
"I don't know what to say." Frank admits.   
　  
"Is it really just sex?" Mikey asks.  
　  
"I don't know, he's my friend, I care about him." Frank admits.  
　  
"Are you in love with him?" Mikey presses and Frank freezes, because all he ever thinks about is Gerard, he's already so important to Frank. It's not just sex, they hang out all the time, talk about everything. Gerard is the first person Frank looks for wherever he is; he's generally the first person Frank talks to in the morning and the last person he talks to at night. If he's worried, he talks to Gerard, if he's sick, Gerard looks after him, if he has good news, he tells Gerard before he tells his Mom. He has Gerard's artwork tattooed onto his body. He is fucked already, he's let Gerard mean too much to him and he'll lose him and it'll break him because that is how life works.  
　  
"I can't love him, I can't, Mikey. Just leave it alone. I'll back off, stop sleeping with him." Frank rambles.   
　  
"If that's what you want, dude, but I don't have a problem with you guys being together. I just don't want you to hurt him. Why can't you love him?" Mikey asks and Frank is so stressed out about Mikey catching him sneaking out, this conversation, the realization that Gerard has gotten under his skin and into his heart without Frank noticing, that the answer he blurts out is a little more honest than he would have liked.  
　  
"If I love him, he'll leave me." Frank spits out.  
　  
"Frankie, that makes no sense." Mikey says quietly and slowly, looking at Frank like he's crazy.  
　  
"People leave, I don't want Gee to leave me." Frank sighs.  
　  
"And if you tell him you love him, he'll leave?" Mikey asks, in that same slow tone.  
　  
"Yes." Frank nods and then he frowns. When Mikey puts it like that, it sounds stupid.  
　  
"You know he's like head over heels in love with you and has been for years? He loves the band, too. He's not leaving the band or you, unless like something really shitty happens. Stop being a dick." Mikey groans.  
　  
"I'm going to bed." And by that he means 'I'm a fucking coward, so I'm going to run away'. He hides in his bunk and listens to Mikey get back in his bunk and knows he'll be avoiding both Ways as much as anyone can when they all live together.  
　  
He mainly hangs out with Ray and Bob till he manages to annoy them both and Bob asks why he's acting so weird. Then he goes and hides in his bunk again. Ignoring his band mates works up until a certain point, but then they’re on stage, working together and he lets himself get lost in it and Gerard, fuck Gerard gets all up in his space and Frank can't make himself move away. It's like Gerard puts him under a spell and Frank can't break it, even though he's so scared of losing Gerard, of being abounded that he can't even sleep these days without waking up in a cold sweat, nightmares of Gerard being gone, leaving him, plague his dreams.   
　  
After the show Gerard grabs him by the arm and Frank has two choices, follow or be dragged and seen as he'd like to maintain some dignity, he follows. He's been acting like a child enough without being dragged along like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Gerard leads the way to an empty dressing room and Frank feels trapped the moment the door shuts. This is it, Gerard's going to tell him they don't want Frank, his shit or his issues any more, he'll get kicked out of the band, their lives, because he's being a dick to people who are like family to him. All because he's so sure they'll leave, even though they have stuck by him for years. It seems irrational, but it doesn't lessen the fear that everyone who matters will eventually leave him.  
　  
"You’re not talking to any of us, why?" Gerard asks, getting right to the point in a way only Gerard seems to do when they have a problem.  
　  
"I was pissing Bob and Ray off, so I backed off, gave them some space." He doesn't add that he'd been scared he would annoy them too much and they wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore, it sounds pathetic in his own mind.   
　  
"And Mikey?" Gerard raises an eyebrow and Frank wasn't aware an eyebrow could say bullshit before he met the Way brothers, now he's very aware that eyebrows can say all kinds of shit.  
　  
"He bitched me out for something, I was letting him cool off." Frank shrugs and tries not to think about Mikey calling him out between the bunks in the middle of the night, seeing through Frank, seeing the truth he'd been hiding for years.  
　  
"Okay, so what about me?" Gerard asks and fuck, he looks hurt. Frank never wanted to hurt Gee.  
　  
"I thought you might want some space after, you know." Frank sighs.  
　  
"We slept together." Gerard fills in, apparently not happy with 'you know' as a description for sex. Frank just nods.  
　  
"I didn't need space and Mikey didn't bitch at you. And Bob and Ray don't care if you annoy them, they’re your friends. If you don't want to tell me the truth then don't, but please don't lie to me, Frankie." Gerard looks so upset and Frank can't stand it, he keeps pushing people away and he's hurting them by doing it, he can't believe he's being so stupid.   
　  
"I'm scared you'll all leave me." Frank blurts out and then he has to turn away, he doesn't want to see Gerard's reaction to that level of pathetic.   
　  
He stiffens when he feels Gerard's hands on his arms, but when Gerard wraps him in a hug from behind, he can't help but melt into it.  
　  
"Why do you think any of us will leave?" Gerard asks softly.  
　  
"Everyone always does. People tell me I have abandonment issues, but how can it be an issue if it's true, if it really keeps happening?" Frank asks, fuck, he feels like he's going to cry, he feels like such a pussy, he doesn't want anyone to see him like this, a total mess, but he can't bring himself to push Gerard away this time.  
　  
"I can't promise you the band will last forever, shit happens. But I'm so fucking sure I'll always want you guys in my life. We're a family, Frankie, and not the kind that turns its back on each other. I don't know how to prove to you that I never plan to leave you apart from just not leaving, that's all I can do but I plan on doing it Frank, I'm not gonna leave you." Gerard promises and Frank spins in his arms, burying his face in Gerard's chest as he hugs him closer and hides his slightly damp eyes.  
　  
"Did Mikey tell you what we talked about?" Frank asks, well he asks Gerard's shirt more than he asks Gerard, but at least he's said it.  
　  
"He said he asked about us and then he got all shifty and wouldn't talk about it anymore." Gerard sighs, his chin coming to rest on the top of Frank's head. He kind of owes Mikey, he never keeps shit from Gee, let alone anything big like what Frank admitted to on the bus.  
　  
"He asked if I was in love with you." Frank admits, still hiding and he hears Gerard's heart pick up speed, his breath hitch.  
　  
"And, um, what did you say?" Gerard asks, his voice wobbling a little.  
　  
"I told him I was in love with you but I was scared to fucking death that you'd leave me. I thought if I pretended that it meant nothing it wouldn't hurt as bad when you left me." Frank admits, he's still scared, but he just can't lie to Gerard anymore, not now that Mikey has told him it's been hurting Gee.  
　  
"Frankie." Gerard says softly, stepping back a little, his hand cupping Frank's chin and making him look up at Gerard, at his softly smiling face.  
　  
Gerard kisses him chastely on the lips.  
　  
"I'm not gonna leave, I love you, give me the chance to prove to you that I won't leave." Gerard begs softly.  
　  
Frank doesn't answer, he just goes up onto his toes and kisses Gerard hungrily.   
　  
"Is that a yes?" Gerard gasps out against spit damp lips.  
　  
"It’s a fuck yes. I want to try, I want to be with you, please don't leave me." Frank begs, he's handing over his heart here, he has never been more afraid in his life.  
　  
"I won't leave you, I love you, Frankie." Gerard kisses him hard, sucking on his lower lip and Frank really doesn't want to talk anymore, his mind is on something other than talking.  
　  
He's bumping into the couch over by the wall before he's even aware of moving and in the blink of an eyes he's turned around, facing it, his hands braced on the top of the chair, kissing Gerard over his shoulder as his jeans get shoved around his ankles. And thank fuck Gerard always, always carries lube to shows( a habit that developed after the fourth time they hooked up at a venue). He thinks he would have done something unmanly like whimper if Gerard had had to stop to find something to slick them up with. He whimpers anyway when Gerard breaches him slowly with one lube slicked finger. Frank rocks back on Gerard's hand, moaning louder every time Gerard adds a finger. He's bared his soul tonight, he wants to feel connected to Gerard and he always feels close to Gerard when one of them is inside the other.  
　  
He's whining non-stop into Gerard's mouth by the time Gerard rolls on a condom, his dick nudging up against Frank's entrance. His whole body feels flushed hot and strung tight, he wants this so much and Gerard gives it to him all in one steady push in as Frank forces himself to relaxes, there is a slight burn, but it's over shadowed by the sparks of pleasure popping underneath his skin. He thrusts back before Gerard starts moving, working himself on Gerard's cock and Gerard lets him get away with it for a few thrusts, but then his hand is firm on Frank's hip, holding him in place as Gerard takes over, changes the pace to something slower and deeper than Frank's frantic rhythm. The new pace and angle has him moaning his head off, head thrown back to rest on Gerard's shoulder as he hits that one spot over and over.  
　  
"Gee, oh my God, Gee." Frank pants out, he feels lost, wrapped up in all the things he is feeling and the only thing keeping him grounded is the feel of Gerard's hand on his hip, his soft lips brushing against his neck.  
　  
"It's okay Frankie, I've got you," And like Gerard's words are magic, his body gives in and falls apart, he goes from pulled taunt to boneless in seconds as his orgasm rushes through his body, his nerves singing with the force of the pleasure.   
　  
Gerard helps him stay on his feet even as his thrusts pick up speed as he gets closer and closer. Gerard cries out as he orgasms, a broken, ragged sound that makes Frank's spent dick twitch. Gerard doesn't pull out after he cums, he just holds Frank close, kissing the scorpion at his neck, that is until Frank's legs begin to wobble. Then Gerard pulls out and cleans them both up, pulling Frank's jeans up seen as Frank can't seem to muster the brain cells to do it himself right now. They sit down on the couch, cuddling up together until Brian comes to find them, seen as the band had all refused. The rest of the band apparently are more aware of what Frank and Gerard have been doing than they let on.   
　  
As they walk back to the bus, hand in hand, silly grins on their faces as they both ignore Brian's lecture about wondering off Frank can't help but think. He's with Gerard now and he can't regret that, it feels good, not just the sex, but the being honest about his feelings and shit. He's still afraid, but maybe taking a risk is worth the fear it comes with if he gets to be loved by Gerard. He's trusting Gee with his heart here and only time will tell him if he's made the right decision. But he knows one thing for sure, he'd have always been alone, felt abounded if he kept pushing people away, giving them reasons to leave. His issues won't just disappear overnight, but he thinks every morning he wakes up to Gerard still loving him, a little bit of the old hurt will fade away, till hopefully one day it'll all be gone and all that will be left is the love.  
　  
The End.


End file.
